I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
