the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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