If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
