i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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