You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
