Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
