All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
