she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
