I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
