I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
