you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize