Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize