Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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