why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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