Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
