I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
