please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
