I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
