I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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