dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
