Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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