Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
