I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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