He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
