I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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