mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize