3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
