I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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