Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
