your parents love me but you hate me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
