My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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