Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
