I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize