what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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