everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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