Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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