There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
