I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
