I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
