is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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