you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
