do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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