What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
