Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
