I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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