Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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