Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
