Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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