talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
