What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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