I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
