Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
