You made me cry and you don't even care
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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