Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
