He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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