you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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