I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
birth control should be required to get into college
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
