I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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