Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
