i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
