We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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