No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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