I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
