Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
