So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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