Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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