and you said cock pushups were impossible
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
