1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
