Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
