my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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