Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
