I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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