He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
