So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
